At 7:30 there was a knock on my door. To my surprise it was Anna standing there proferring her mum's pyrex and a bottle of wine. Anna, who had mopped me up and picked me up the first day I ventured out. I was astonished and thrilled. I had not expected to see her again, rather feeling as if I had burnt my bridges by crying all over her Joules. I appreciated the sacrifice she must have made in getting here, 7:30 was not an hour you expected to see mothers of young children.
She switched my oven on, found sensible glasses that I wouldn't knock over and set the table for me. It felt lovely to sit at a table and eat lasagne. It felt like proper food and we ate french bread and butter while we were waiting.
"Were there any nice bits in the service?" Anna asked me, clever enough not to say "How was the funeral?"
"It was ok, "I shrugged, "The minister, sort of, felt like he knew him. More than usual anyway."
"Too much family time?" She smiled and sat back. She was a fantastic listener. I had noticed she was plying me with wine but drinking less herself.
"I quite like the family actually. "
"Now they're all off your back about getting married?"
"Yes, sort of, they've sort of backed off but I'm sure they are still hoping I meet a nice young man." Anna threw back her head and laughed."Oh God, not too young!" Her laughter gave me permission to laugh too, at the absurdity of some toyboy.
"Are you going back to your mum's?" She asked eventually.
"Er, what for?"
"You know, to sort things out. I bet there's all sorts your dad did. Was he that sort of practical?"
"Yes, yes he was. And you're right, he did the money and stuff. I suppose I should go and help, or offer, Dad wouldn't even have trusted Mum with that sort of thing."
Anna leaned back in her chair. She was drinking water from a different glass along with her wine. She knew how to pace herself, I imagined she was thinking about early morning with her children. I just thought that if I sat at my desk and ignored everyone, they would think I had an excuse, all the same, I didn't normally drink much wine.
"It might be something you could do to help. It seemed like you and your mum might need to talk about things." What had I told her? I couldn't remember.
Anna started to clear up the plates, and finally remembering my manners, I put the kettle on and moved her into the sitting room.
"What did I say to you?" I asked, "About my mum and dad I mean?"
"Nothing." She lifted her knees up and put her feet on the sofa, crossed her arms. "You said it was your mum, that that was how your dad died. That's why I thought you might want to talk to her."
I loosened the button on my work trousers and tried to put my feet on the sofa but they weren't stretchy enough. I had to lift my legs up straight out in front of me on the sofa, I started to feel a bit sleepy, I didn't want her to go, but I could feel my eyes closing a little.
"I don't want to talk to her really. There was an accident and she was driving, she did something stupid, hit the curb and hit a tree. Dad had a heart attack. It was her fault, it was, and I would...I would say something I'd regret. I haven't even managed to say to her yet - you know, it's not your fault, 'cause I'm going to have to. It doesn't matter what I think."
"So go and do something to help. Be practical, I'm sure Alison has been there every day." Anna had only met Ali a couple of times, but she wasn't a big fan.
"Yes." I said, "Maybe you're right."
I managed to see Anna out with hugs and kisses, but when I had said goodbye at the door, I made my way back to the sofa, retrieved my blanket, put the television on and curled up and slept there all night.
